The following are suggestions NOT recommendations on how to navigate such situations.

ALWAYS CALL 911 IF YOUR SAFETY IS AT RISK.

Emotional-Psychological-Verbal Abuse

(Asterix (*) Indicates activities which are illegal)

• Making one’s partner do illegal things *
• Having a double standard for one’s partner
• False accusations
• Saying one thing, meaning another
• Name calling, finding fault
• Denying or taking away one’s partner responsibilities
• Verbal threats
• Not keeping commitments
• Yelling
• Insisting on accompanying one’s partner to the doctors
• Making one’s partner think she/he/they are crazy or stupid
• Threatening one’s partner with loss of immigration status
• Overpowering one’s partner emotions
• Preventing one’s partner form taking a job
• Disbelieving
• Brining up old issues
• Making one’s partner drop charges
• Inappropriate expression of jealous
• Telling degrading jokes
• Degrading one’s partner
• Refusing to deal with issues
• Turning a situation against one’s partner
• Not coming home
• Minimizing one’s partner work or contribution
• Brainwashing
• Pressuring one’s partner to stay around drug/alcohol abuse
• Laughing in one’s partner face
• Coming home drunk or stones
• Refusing to do things with or for one’s partner
• Pressuring one’s partner
• Egging one’s partner on, challenging one’s partner to physical violence
• Neglecting one’s partner
• Friendship with or support of abusive individuals
• Expecting one’s partner to conform to a role
• Demanding an account of one’s partner time/routine
• Comparing one’s partner to others
• Real or suggestive involvement with other individuals
• Never really forgiving, holding drugs
• Threatening to get drunk or stoned unless…
• Lying
• Not passing on messages
• Treating one’s partner as a child
• Manipulation
• Starting arguments
• Withholding affection
• Displaying degrading or violent pictures, videos or games

Emotional Abuse During Pregnancy

(Asterix (*) Indicates activities which are illegal)

• Forcing one’s partner to have an abortion *
• Not supporting one’s partner or helping out after she/he/they comes home with the baby
• Insulting one’s partner body
• Demanding sex after childbirth
• Refusing sex on the ground that their partner’s pregnant body is ugly
• Blaming one’s partner because the infant is the ‘wrong sex’
• Refusing to support one’s partner during the pregnancy time
• Pouting, sulking or making one’s partner feel bad for spending time with the baby
• Refusing to support one’s partner during the birth (not being there, showing up at the birth drunk, not showing up to bring her home from the hospital)
• Sleeping around while one’s partner is in the hospital

Financial Abuse

(Asterix (*) Indicates activities which are illegal)

• Taking one’s partner money
• Withholding money
• Spending money foolishly or beyond means
• Pressuring one’s partner to take full responsibilities for finances
• Not paying fair share of bills
• Not spending money on special occasions (e.g. birthday)
• Spending on addictions, gambling or sexual services
• Pressuring or controlling one’s partner work conditions
• Keeping the family finances a secret

Social Abuse

(Asterix (*) Indicates activities which are illegal)

• Controlling what one’s partner does, who she/he/they sees, talks to, reads and goes
• Put downs, or ignoring one’s partner in public
• Making a scene in public
• Not allowing one’s partner access to family or friends
• Interfering with one’s partner family or friends
• Change of personality with others
• Being rude to one’s partner friends or relatives
• Dictating one’s partner mode of dress
• Dictating one’s partner behavior
• Habitually choosing friends, activities or work rather than being with one’s partner
• Making one’s partner account for herself
• Censoring one’s partner mail
• Treating one’s partner like a servant
• Not giving one’s partner space of privacy

Using Children

• Assaulting one’s partner in front of the children*
• Embarrassing one’s partner in front of the children
• Forcing one’s partner to stay home with the children
• Teaching children to abuse one’s partner through name calling, hitting, etc.
• Not sharing responsibility for children
• Putting down one’s partner parenting ability
• Threatening to abduct children or telling one’s partner they will never get custody *

Environmental Abuse

(Asterix (*) Indicates activities which are illegal)

• Abuse in the home
• Breaking things *
• Driving too fast or recklessly *
• Driving while intoxicated *
• Harming pets *
• Ripping clothes *
• Locking one’s partner in or out *
• Forcing one’s partner into the vehicle *
• Pushing one’s partner out of the vehicle when it is in motion*
• Threatening to kill one’s partner by driving off a bridge or into an oncoming car etc. *
• Throwing out or destroying one’s partner possessions
• Slamming doors
• Throwing objects
• Taking the phone or denying one’s partner use of phone

Physical Abuse

(Asterix (*) Indicates activities which are illegal)

• Any unwanted physical contact *
• Kicking, punching or pinching one’s partner *
• Pulling or pushing one’s partner *
• Slapping, hitting or shaking one’s partner *
• Cutting or burning one’s partner *
• Choking or smothering one’s partner *
• Squeezing her hand, twisting one’s partner arm *
• Spitting on one’s partner *
• Force feeding *
• Throwing objects at one’s partner *
• Hitting one’s partner with an object
• Restraining one’s partner in any way *
• Tying one’s partner up *
• Urinating on one’s partner *
• Breaking one’s partner bones *
• Knifing or shooting one’s partner *
• Murder *
• Threatening to kill or injure one’s partner *
• Pushing one’s partner down the stairs *
• Ignoring one’s partner illness or injury *
• Denying or restricting food or drink *
• Pressuring or tricking one’s partner into alcohol or drug use *
• Standing too close/intimidating one’s partner *
• Hiding or withholding one’s partner necessary medications *

The following information is adapted from the Western Ottawa Community Resource Centre Peer Support Handbook